Title: I Can't Hold My Own Hand And Reach For The Light At The Same TIme
Medium: Prismacolor pencils and pen, 2017.
Size: A1, unframed.
This is a bigger size that I usually work on, so it was a drawn out (ha, punny) process of coming back to add bits and pieces at night for about 1 week, after my other commitments. This really made me pay attention to the process, and it truly felt like an act of love to make this piece. It really pulled out from me what was buried deepest in my heart. It was an emotional and satisfying process.
This drawing began as my defiant, independent response to not getting my own way in life: "Fine, I'll hold my own hand then, if no one else will"
As I drew this, I felt that this was not the end of the little story I was telling. I had drawn a lightbulb growing out of the ground, and lights in my art are always about God, and also truth, health or innocence. It was too late to erase the figure holding her own hand so I added in an extra arm to reach for the light (most logical solution).
Our own stubbornness sometimes prevents us from living boldly, and honestly, and instead we settle for our own way: We lock ourselves into a defiant prison of independence. Don't get me wrong, being independent is great and important but personally, I go too far and when I know it's God's place to call the shots sometimes I try and do it for him. Sometimes I get bitter, sometimes stubborn (Am i joking?! It's a daily battle) and want to do things my way, all the time, thinking of me first.
But instead, I realise that putting my story in the hands of Jesus is where the truth gets exposed and light can exist in my life. He is good and he can also handle all my selfish feelings and independence. He changes me for good. So I will continue to reach for him. Our defiance is not the end of our story.
Let go, and reach for the light (bulb).